audiepies

Life certainly has a funny way of putting you in your place. You think you have it so great. You meet a guy. You like him. You go out, have a wonderful time together. He seems to like you back. And then, just when things are going so well, disaster strikes. He doesn’t call. Worse, he doesn’t reply when you initiate the communication. And one is left wondering, was it all in your head? Did you just imagine the chemistry? Or, as most women are likely to do, did you just read too much into his actions? It’s a hard blow to one’s pride to be treated in such a cavalier manner. I guess a woman is better off in the olden days when she just waits for a man to make all the moves. In these modern times, a woman is never really sure if she comes off a subtle flirt or too forward. I am never sure! And that leaves me where I am right now, writing this stupid piece, listening to cheesy love songs and staying up late into the night asking myself where it all went wrong.

Lest I come off as such a drama queen, I was not in love. For someone who has never been in a relationship and, let’s face it, someone who has never been pursued much less courted, it can be such a thrill when a guy pays you attention. It’s pathetic really! How the simplest word, the smallest gesture can be such big deals. As much as it pains me to admit it, all this is my fault. The poor guy is an innocent bystander in this wreck. It’s just that it felt so good having someone to talk to, to be with. It made the tedium of everyday living more bearable. I felt. I was more alive. It may sound corny but everything was more beautiful, more colorful, more exciting. It reminded me of how I felt when I was in the throes of my high-school crushes. That knot you feel in the pit of your stomach when you know you’re about to see him. Well, I feel differently now. That knot has turned into a gnawing ache since realizing how foolish I have been. I’ve heard it said somewhere that you can’t depend on someone to make you feel alive. You’ll have to do that on your own. Turns out they’re right but it just feels so damned good having someone make you feel that way.

It’s 2:10 in the morning and I am still up, obviously. Putting my emotions on paper has certainly made me feel a little bit better. I am still listening to cheesy love songs and I fear that there will be many more sleepless nights to come. But I welcome them. For the longest time, I was content on drifting along. This experience made me appreciate the fact that I am alive. That I am still capable of feeling. That, someday, I will find love. But for now, let me wallow in the doldrums of unrequited love. I find it cathartic. I have come out a better person from this experience. I always considered myself an optimist but in the years that passed I have lost that. Well, I am once again optimistic. But this time my hopes are more rooted in reality. Life certainly has a funny way of putting you in your place. And, oddly enough, it has reasons for doing so.

posted by someone anonymous.

~ by audiepies on May 10, 2008.